Bollukus Eventicus
I am not happy.
The Hallowe'en festivities have been severely disrupted this year. The fact that I am at home now, at 9:45pm on a Saturday, is evidence of this. The reason being of course, that yours truly has to go to work later. And when I say later, I mean at 2:30am tonight. Which is made even more irritating as the clocks go back tonight, meaning that booking a cab in advance would be an absolute nightmare, so I have to venture out onto the streets in the hope that I will find me a taxi good and prompt. Without getting murdered of course......
Slight consolation can be found in that I have Monday off, which is always good. Hangover shopping shall be the event of the day, which probably will be about as much fun as goin into work at half two in the mornin on a Saturday night. Ahem....
Today's Word of the Blog is "Quiffler". Defined by the definitive dictionary of the Bitchwaxianese language of gentlemen as Quiffler - one who masturbates using various baked goods to aid in maximising the pleasure of the activity. There you have it peeps, quiffler.
Not a lot else to say today really - I guess I just came on for a moan and to kill a minute or fifteen. So I think I'll leave you with the burning question of the hour. - are YOU a quiffler? Answers in a securely fastened chamber of your mind, to which nobody should EVER have access.
I have to go now.
What a curious shot!!
So we're on shifts in work. It's not as bad as it sounds really. In a 4-week rota, we do 2 weeks of 8-4:30, 1 week of 9-5:30 and i week of 9:30-6. So it could be a helluvalot worse. There's still no weekends, no real late ones, so we're not too fussed. The job is goin really well at the mo - just been given a new project to do. It's gonna take me into 2006 so I think once that's done successfully I can consider myself well and truly established in this team. I still feel such a long way behind sometimes, but this, together with the software testing course I'm going on, should serve me well as far as establishing myself goes.
But enough of the jobspeak, it's time to move on. "Plethora" is today's Word of the Blog. Defined by the All New Oxford Illustrated Dictionary (by new I mean 1978) as "Plethora" - morbid conditin marked by excess of red corpuscles in blood. It is more commonly interpreted as meaning simply, "lots of" something, but isn't it fascinating to learn of its medicinal origin? Who here really knew that was its literal definition? Honestly now. Hmmmm...............
Not quite feelin it today, the Force seems mysteriously absent. Think I'll call it a day there.
A day!!!
Five weekends in one month? You can complain......
Does anyone else find it a bit off that the answer to all these Internet quizzes is always the right one? I mean, no offence not intended to those who publish their results, you are free to do so, but how reliable is it? Did you take the test three times before you got the result you wanted? Did you lie in the first place to obtain the desirable outcome? Or do you only publish the answers that you like, and ditch the rest? Typical of me to be so cynical I suppose, but still, Devil's an' all that jazz...
Does anyone else agree that scallies are the human equivalent of flies? Take a second to think about it. They're not really evil, they're not really threatening. They're not as bad as wasps, but somehow you find yourself wanting to kill them more. They serve no real purpose to anyone or anything, and they hang around shite. I mean, is this just coincidence, or is there something I missed? Because this only just occurred to me recently, and it's been staring me in the face for years. Think for a moment of the emotions that stir inside you when you see a gang of scally fuckers hanging around, or even hurling abuse, and then compare that to that feeling you get when you've just sat down for a hearty sausage droplet, when you hear it. "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz", it goes. "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz". You're not scared, coz you know that it's shit scared of you (no pun intended), but you're somehow annoyed by its presence, or perhaps the meer insignificance of its presence. Are you annoyed at it, or are you annoyed at yourself for even taking notice in the first place? Frighteningly similar I think........................
This evening's dollop of Word of the Blog stems from a very reliable source - me. Today's offering is "Shibby". Derived from the movie "Dude, Where's My Car?", shibby is an expression that takes many different meanings depending on intonation and context. It's offical definition is as follows: Shibby - to recreationally smoke a marijuana cigarette and/or pipe. The art of shibbying is most highly regarded by those who no longer partake in such activity, and most highly condemned by those who never have. The word can also be used as an expression of delight and/or pleasure at any given thing. For example, "Dude, I just saw my first ever hoo-hoos!!" said Chester. "Hehe, shibby", replied Jesse.
Oh yeah, almost forgot. Prague is sweet!!! First night - two pints of damned good beer costs 50p. Second morning was not pretty........ But in all seriousness, the place is really cool. So many phenomenally architectured buildings, and numerous magnificent restaurants and/or bars, none more so than that in the hotel. Free peanuts!!! I hate them to be honest, but Joey was happy.... I recommend you go.
Spect.
Cocksober is gonna be the coolest month ever......
Plane takes off in 14 hours, flight lands in 16 1/4 hours, provided it doesn't crash somewhere in between. Preferably somewhere over the Alps, and then I'll ski down those mofos on my Metal Hammer, Devil horns in the air, all the way to the foot and declare "Woohah!!! I am the Daddy of the mountainous hills that reside in this region!!!" Whoa, it lost cool somewhere along the way there....
So a surprisingly distinct lack of fear and/or trepidation is present. First EVER excursion alone with the lady, first EVER holiday without adult supervision, first EVER trip into mainland Europe and first EVER journey into the Czech Republic. You don't think of it as the most glamorous of destinations I'm sure, but it is undeniable that a country tha has a silent 'z' in it's name has just GOT to be simply marvellous. It is most definitely worthy of a Word of the Blog entry, but it would be far too easy at present.
Speaking of WOTB, today's installment is going to have to be Phlebotomy. Defined by Dictionary.com as "Phlebotomy - The act or practice of opening a vein by incision or puncture to remove blood as a therapeutic treatment." Otherwise known as Venesection, it derides from Latin as phlebotome, which is an amalgamation of two words. Phlebo, meaning vein, and tome, meaning cutting. Please pick up your jaw, you'll leave a mark!! Another mesmerising edition of Word of the Blog.
Alas, I must bring this worthy postage to a slightly abrupt end, as one has plenty to do in preparation for tomorrow. The adrenaline is flowing, the Pro-Plus is packed, and the Korunas are stashed away safely. Here we come Czechites!!!
Y'know, it's like I have a switch for it...........
Now that's a leg drop!!
Interesting week - took Friday off last week to go out on a day of delight with the delicious Doherty. We ferried it to Seacombe Aquarium in the morning and took in a superb dancing crab as well as a kick-ass lobster the size of your head. We then walked along the river side to New Brighton (NOT 15 minutes away, like some people said), stopping at a couple of pubs along the way. We decided to have a larf in the arcade for a bit an then had a game of bowling, followed by fish 'n' chips on a bench whilst being haunted by a flock of seagulls. Ahem....
This was all in aid of one's birthday, which was yesterday (Sunday). Cheers to all of y'all that wished me a goodun, apologies for the belated replies to them as I was unable to respond to emails in work (coz I wasn't there - fair enough I'm sure you'll agree), and the phone battery died due to my neglectful recharge program management. Just in case you cared (I'm sure you don't), I got the new Fear Factory disk, Lemony Snickett DVD, a cool shirt, another cool shirt, a cool book, a bit of cash and the usual portion of flumpage. Not to mention a good few cards too.
Apologies to those who were hoping/expecting birthday celebrations, I did not neglect thee. Due to a determination to not be hungover on the day, and to have at least one suitable "alone" celebration with the lady (no, not that), the gathering of friends was, rudely, I admit, postponed. However, it is my intention to make amends for this, albeit somewhat badly timed. Depending on one or two peeps and if one or two things fall into place, somethin could be happenin this weekend, but y'all shall hear via email (it's free) if so, or indeed not. Tell me where to go if you want.......
Which manoeuvres me marvellously into the next measure of mesmerising magnificence of my merry murmur. Today's Word of the Blog is Ceremony. Defined by dictionary.com as "Ceremony" - a formal act or set of acts performed as prescribed by ritual or custom, or to summarise, a traditional, and otherwise pointless, event. I choose this word today not just because I like it, but because I wish to address a growing concern of mine, whether it be of mine exclusively or indeed of numerous others. The reason I wish to gather as a group I once held closest to me more than any other is not purely ceremonial, obligatory, if you will, but for a presence of want, desire. I truly miss the social gatherings upon which we regularly embarked. I admit that the blame is mine considerably, however, due to a new-found stubborn hatred for all things Kray, I find it increasingly difficult to appease such habits. As a result, friendships that might have flourished have diminished. Acquaintances that might have become friends have drifted away, merely representing a ceremonial hello on a street corner at lunchtime. The point is readers, the hole is here. Unfortunately, it's here to stay, coz I don't dig upwards. I am willing to attempt to dig sideways, if only someone would toss me a ahovel. I'm not one for clichés, but I believe I have indeed grown out of the Saturday night life that Liverpool offers. And though I admit that I knew this would limit opportunity to mingle with those whose company I used to value most, I regret that it has been reduced to this. Help me to do something about it. I exclude myself unwillingly - reprieve is all I ask.
Given that I just spilled my heart without actually intending to do so, I think it's time to wrap this one up. Given also that I have to be back in work at 22:30 tonight, I'd better go prepare some drugs.
If he can have it, why can't I?
If only Blogger could sing to you all, what a delight it could have been.......
It seems Miss Interpretation is in town again, and what a welcome guest she is. There's nothing like a bit of idiom to fire up a good old fashioned bloodfest. Or maybe frust-fest. I'll leave you to think about it, shouldn't take too long. It's been brewing for a week or two now, and it took an injection of Bolluk to really set things alight. The dreaded hyperlink, removed of all subtlety, has been fired, and was followed by a vicious slab of pseudo-alliterised ravings from a sad lonely soul, for whom I have only mockery, albeit slightly Miss Understood. Of course, the idea of the retention of pretentious youthful exuberance must be entertained, hence the double entendre theme you may or may not have noticed. What concerns me however, is the sheer lack of intellect application from someone who you would assume was at least quite clever, given the fact that, oh no, wait, degrees and qualifications aren't really all that hard to come by in Double Drivel and Drivel Composition, so maybe I should have seen this coming......
Which takes us nicely on this wonderful journey together into today's Word of the Blog - Controversy. Defined by dictionary.com as "Controversy" - a dispute between sides holding opposing views. Not the most elegant of definitions I'm sure you'll agree, but it's origin is quite fascinating. Derisive of the Latin word Controversus, versus being the past participle of "versere", meaning to turn, it can be pronounced in two different ways, but we won't go into too much detail. I wouldn't want to make myself appear something I'm not. Go Patchie!! Wooooo!!!!
As entertaining and enlightening as I hope this has been, I feel somehow that there is something missing from this. Can't quite put my finger on it though. I suppose you might say I haven't quite nailed the usual judgemental casting, might I even say broadcasting of my view on the blogs by which we are surrounded, DING!!! It just hit me - the brightest concept of our generation - semi-circular hypocrisy. Doubtless you know exactly what I mean, otherwise, well, I won't tell you, coz that might spoil the fun.
Isn't it just beautiful......? Juvenile, moi?
Didn't know Michael Flatley was a Liverpool supporter. Ah well........
There's nothing like a bit of good old animosity to stir up some interest in a blog. Where's it been all this time? A step back in time this, I miss those days. Call me what you will, but it's entertaining. Or at least it could be, if it's done properly. We all know who you're on about, so why not just name names and stop fannying about you pair of fags?! I know you want to. Oh no wait, of course, you're above all that juvenile nonsense, aren't you? I forgot. Ahem...
Today's Word of the Blog is Decepticon. Defined by The Official Dictionary of Bitchwaxianese as "Decepticon" - an evil transforming robot hailing from Cybertron hell bent on destroying the Autobots and their affiliates, in order to gain the ultimate victory in the Cybertronian wars. Led originally by Megatron and then by Galvatron (Megatron was galvanised by Unicron in the movie, it's not that hard), the Decepticons will stop at nothing to destroy all Autobot life, chasing them across space to Planet Earth to do so. Just so you know, Autobot will never feature in Word of the Blog, because it's a crap name.
It's September again. It’s always been a mixed bag of emotion, what with the return to school and the birthday. Subsequently, I, somewhat inevitably I suppose, consistently received school equipment as birthday presents, which I would have got anyway had my birthday fallen in April. But then, I'm the neglected middle child. So I'm used to that kind of treatment. What? Neglected? You have a home with your family don't you? How can you claim to be neglected?! Do shut up.
Have you ever logged on to Blogger, and then realised that you have nothing to write? I suppose you probably have, but what do you do? Do you just decide you can't be bothered, do you sit there thinking and thinking for as long as it takes until you finally come up with some worthless drivel, or do you turn to something for inspiration? If the latter, to what do you turn? Or indeed, whom? Or where? I'm intrigued to know why people write the things they write, although given that the majority of the blogs that I read I would certainly hazard a guess at answer number two. I mean, there is the idea that a blog is yours and you may do with it what you will, but I don't subscribe to the notion that it should just be used like a public diary. I mean, who really cares about what I did last Wednesday evening? Honestly? So come on, make it interesting! I don't care whose hair you dyed, or whose house you went to for brunch. Unless it's out of the ordinary, I doubt anyone else does either. The people demand entertainment!!!
I just entered a raffle to win spray tan. Ironic, no?
Hey what's up Fletcher?
Dictionary reading. It's quite a bizarre concept. On one hand, there is the thinking that anyone who spends time merely flicking through the pages of a dictionary for no specific purpose other than vocabulary enhancement is somewhat lacking in active sociality, a bore, in common terms. However, there is the consideration that it will enhance your intelligence level, provided you have the adaptability skills to incorporate new words into every day conversation. Then there is the next level - the ability to incorporate those words into conversation without sounding like a dictionary reader. It requires precise conviction, supreme confidence and, of course, the compulsory social obligations within which you can insert your discoveries. Given that you have had the time to become a dictionary reader (it is a long book), you might not necessarily have a heaving schedule of social appointments. It's a pastime that I, as an active relationship participator, am currently not in the process of undertaking, but, given that I am very much of the "never say never" school of thinking (which by the way is a ridiculously over-used generalisation, but that is for another day), it is certainly not an activity to which I am principally opposed. There's potential in it, most definitely.
Speaking of potential, what do you reckon it would take for someone to be arrested for the content of his or her blog? Would it in fact be possible at all, given that we live in a nation of freedom? I mean, if I were to say something like, "Wouldn't it be funny if someone bombed the White House?" would I be prosecuted? Or applauded? Tempted though I am to stretch the boundaries (as always) of appeasement, resist I must, seeing as the network administrators probably do pretty regular scanning of profile content in this place. I might find myself in the unenviable position of de-employment. Yes, I did make that up. No, I don't care. I'm allowed to. Y'see; ah forget it.............
Anyway, our Word of the Blog this time around has to be foible. A double entendre on this occasion, it is defined by dictionary.com as "foible" - 1: a behavioural attribute that is distinctive and peculiar to an individual type 2: the weaker part of a sword's blade from the forte to the tip." Derisive of the French word "feble", meaning feeble, it is another word that is not only exquisite in its definition, but is almost effervescent in its sound and pronunciation. For some inexplicable reason, my mind is awash with thoughts of Professor Frink every time I think of this expression, and that is never a bad thing. Another superb edition of Word of the Blog, we'll see you next time.
Your cholesterol, fatty!!
Spare me this mockery of justice!!!
There was an unfortunate omission from my latest postage, which, given the tone and content of my last post, I'm sure can and will be forgiven. That, as I'm sure you will have noticed, was my fastly-growing favourite feature (doesn't it just make you want to wet your pants?), Word of the Blog. Apologies to the fans, I shall now partake in a glorious act of redemption. The presure is on....
Today's featured word is onomatopoeia. The bane of numerous English Language examinations, and surely the most magnificent, yet somewhat heinous, amalgamation of vowels that just rolls off the tongue, somewhat onomatopoeically, if you will. Defined by the Oxford Illustrated Dictionary as:
"Onomatopoeia" - Formation of names or words from sounds resembling those associated with the object or action to be named, or seemingly naturally suggestive of its qualities". I could have put it better myself...................
It is becoming shockingly difficult to obtain a passport at the moment, given that my standard birth certificate that I have will not suffice in proving my identity satisfactorily. I therefore have to apply for a new birth certificate first, which will take at least 24 hours, at which point I will then have to send my passport application, with less than 7 weeks remaining until we depart for the Czech Republic. Cutting it fine, you might say. Of course, you might not. Hey what happened to the O?
Work's been a bit quiet this past week - mainly because the Parrot is away. He's back on Wednesday though, which by the way is by far the coolest named day of the week. Much like February is the coolest named month, and the hippopotamus is the coolest named animal. River Elephant. Yes, I cuaght a moment or two of Poirot yesterday. Who also happens to be the coolest named detective. But only when pronounced poy-rot. Or just pirate if you're a drunken Australian.
Guilty, or innocent? Innocent...........
This is Planet Earth.
The Iambic pentameter – it might not sound like something you would be interested in, but without it our modern world would not function. If somebody posed to you the following survey, what would your answer be? Considering the 5 most common modern methods of communication, rank, from 1-5, 1 being the highest, and 5 being the lowest, each method of communication in terms of potential for causing confusion. They are (excluding specialist methods, such as sign, Braille etc.): telephony, email, text, face-to-face conversation and writing (e.g. letters [snail mail]). I feel sure you would some up with something like: -
1 – Text
2 – Email
3 – Letter
4 – Telephony
5 – FTF
But would you ask yourself why? And, if so, what would be your answer? I hope and pray you don’t come up with something like, “Oh, but, it’s coz you can’t ask questions! Er, people might not know what you mean.” Please shut up and go away. Orators of the highest order should be aware of what I like to call the IP Effect, or the Ippie Effect, if you will. Its correct and successful deployment is an asset to any speech, and the lack of it is a predominant reason why all amateur speakers are just that - amateur.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The debate could go on for hours. Fortunately, yours truly is here to serve up a nice tall glass of shut up juice to everyone. Correct, it is not entirely true to the book. Correct, it is nothing like the first film. Arguably, it is not as good as the first film, but this is purely a matter of opinion, (biased and flawed opinion at that). The answer? So fucking what? Who gives a flying one if it isn’t exactly true to the book. It really begs the question: what exactly would have been the point of making a film with a story that has already been told? Who gives a rat’s shitty ass if the Oompa Loompas aren’t as cute? They’re not supposed to be, assclown!! “Oh but Nick, you can’t beat Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka. He’s the original!” Actually, moron, Roald Dahl’s image of Willy Wonka is nothing like Gene Wilder, nor does it have to be. Because, for your information, the original film isn’t exactly a word for word replica of the book either. I ask you this – why do bands cover old songs? If you’re not sure, ask someone close to you. You all know someone who has done a cover. Not one of them will say, “Because that song rules and we wanted to jump on the bandwagon and make loads of money out of a song that’s already been done.” I am officially making it my mission in life to re-write a well-loved story, completely fuck that shit up and kick all your candy asses!! You don’t deserve to be called a mofo………
Contr
over
sy, or
contro
versy? Wow, it’s educational AND fun!!
You cannot emulate the Nicktro!!!!
Irreverance is a gift that not many people have. It is rarer than intelligence, which in itself is a valuable commodity. Lack of the latter is something to be pitied, not mocked. However those who lack the latter, lack the former by default. Unfortunately, due to the lack of said latter virtue, consciousness of one's self is somewhat lacking, and so possession of the former is sometimes misconceived as present. Those who think they understand the musings of a twisted mind are one of two things - twisted, or insecure. Or, of course, both. The world's most gifted minds have not yet managed to master the art of cloning; do not lower yourself in attempting to do what they cannot.
Today's Word of the Blog is 'yonks'.
Yonks - as defined by The Oxford Illustrated Dictionary as non-existent. However, it is a commonly used slang term, meaning a particularly long period of time. There are two theories regarding its origin, the first of which is that it derives as an abbreviation of the term, "donkey's years". As we are all aware, over the years, the English language has taken a number of batterings, a large proportion of which has amounted to non-sensical abbreviations, which as a word in itself has become commonly abbreviated. Sad, isn't it? The second theory, and in my humble opinion, the much more romantic and, therefore, convincing, is that the term originates from an amalgamation of the three words,
Years, m
ONths and wee
KS. Hence, yonks. I've said it before and I'll say it again - do what you will with this language, its brilliance is only exceeded by its mytery. You cannot defeat it!! Today's Word of the Blog.
I realise that you're probably pining for more, so I'll give it to you. The month that I was waiting to conclude for so long finally has, and with it a new dawn. No I haven't met some dudette (doesn't it just make you want to cry?) named Dawn, I am in fact inspired by the fact that the month of July has passed. Traditionally it has been one of my favourite months, however this year came expense, pressure, and with it, a new sense of maturity. Yawn I hear you cry. (Notice how I didn't take the opportunity to to rhyme yawn with Dawn there? Too obvious you see. Yes, I know you would have). But, satisfying though it is to know that I am capable of handling some of the things life is yet to hurl my way, I am still somewhat begrudging of the fact that I have been unwillingly forced to grow. You might say that it is ironic that I feel this way, given that, had I taken on this growth through to its conclusion, I wouldn't resent it at all. But it wouldn't be Bob if life wasn't ironic.
Just a quick point before I depart - I have just completed the process of setting myself up a new email account on hotmail -
nicolaybollukov@hotmail.co.uk is where you can reach me. Go nuts.
Do you ever feel a sense of anti-climax when you read the workings the The Bolluk? Didn't think so.
Der ner ner da la ner ner.................................
So the heat is on. Three days to go before this strenuous month comes to a conclusion. The pressure has been magnificently applied by The Parrot (the boss - that's not what we call him, I just made it up). Not for the first time in my life, I am eagerly awaiting August more so than I have any other month this year, and not because the world will be crawling with kids for the entire four and a half weeks. Oh no, as I'm sure you can imagine, with the added money, interest and general job satisfaction that comes with my new employ, there comes extra responsibility and, therefore, pressure. Liability is the word, and it's not something I am accustomed to. Throughout my pre-now phase (isn't it just glorious?), I maintained that I wanted a job that I could go to, do easily, and then leave at the end of the day not having to worry about anything. I did that. For two and a half years I did that. And I liked it. Now that I've moved on, I'm happier than ever. I am going to thrive on situations like this. Where there is the finest line between success and failure, all that suffers is my lunchtime. My interest is engaged; you have my attention. Let’s rock this joint!!!
Today's Word of the Blog is rhombus. "Rhombus" - as defined by dictionary.com as "an equilateral parallelogram". It's one of my favourite words - it bounces off the lips quite sublimely, and superbly combines a number of the unique characteristics of our glorious language. The silent consonant, the Latin overture and the wonderful plurality that is rhombi are just a handful of the word's admirable qualities. An extremely strong entry I'm sure you'll agree.
So I know you all will have noticed that the problem that I had been encountering seems to have vanished - vanquished if you will. (Is it a coincidence that that word is so similar to 'squished'?) If Sunday night's post was not evidence enough, then you should certainly hope that you never get summoned for jury duty. God help the defendant in your case - they stand little chance of justice if that passed you by. Hehe, justice. The root of all entertainment............
Speaking of entertainment, do you not find it slightly amusing that the family of this Brazilian dude are threatening to "sue" the Police? I mean, think about the scenario for a moment. It's exactly two weeks since those bombs went off in London, more detonations have been heard that morning, you have a padded coat on and you're running around anxiously in a Tube station in the middle of London. Armed Police officers are pointing automatics at you and are screaming at you to stop. What do you do? I know - you run faster onto a departing train where there are hundreds of people, all of whom are already crapping themselves. Yeah, you don't deserve to die...............
Mercury and Bowie?! It'll never happen!!!
Menacity is a cool word. Good films are good.
I have an interesting idea for a new theme. Word of the Blog. It would be easier, somewhat catchier and slightly more sensical, to name my new theme Word of the Day, or Word of the Week, but, what with the sporadic postage of the modern day bible, it would be far more appropriate to call it this. So I did. The first entrant in Word of the Blog is "Menacity". A rare link to the Nicktro I'm sure you'll agree, one I am sure a number of you can relate to. Remember, zero is a number. "
Menacity" - as defined by Oxford's All New dictionary as non-existent. Watch this space for more editions of "Word of the Blog". It's a feature that will hastily become part of your every Blog lives. Again, note my brilliance.
News from the Nicktern Fornt - we're going to Prague!! When I say "we", I'm sure you will have guessed that I mean myself and Joey. October 3rd - we fly from Manchester to Prague, to meet a guy with our names on a board!! That has the dangerous potential of being the highlight of the week, but hopefully we can surpass it. Then we get driven to our 4-star hotel in the main Square to drink the best, and cheapest, beer on Planet Earth!!! You might even get the privilege of Bloggage from the Republic of Czechs, The Czech Republic, coz we have Internet access IN THE ROOM!!!! It will of course be in Czech, or at least Word of the Blog will be. It's gonna rule!!
Moving on from Czech-related Czechage, I just want to check with my bank that the cheque I wrote from my cheque book didn't bounce, so that I don't have to write another cheque from my cheque book, because if I don't keep a check on my cheques we won't be going to the Republic of Czechs, the Czech Republic, at all.
Checkin out baby................................
What is left of them, now they are nothing?
So it seems that I, for some inexplicable reason, am unable to replicate the brilliance you see before you when situated at home. It is an unfathomable state of affairs really - you hold the key to the lock, yet the door will not open. And it is abundantly evident that the lock has not been changed, for today, as you can clearly see, the door is wide open and the key has not been changed. Nevertheless, it is still slightly concerning - imagine if what is behind the door is something so valuable, so precious and so indispensable, and you are unable to access it. Where do you go, where does the world take yours? It seems that, although we like to think it untrue, there really is no such thing as control. Pity the freaks.
Evil is an over-used word. Its meaning is extremely powerful, extremely meaningful, if you will. Yet it seems to undergo habitual employment, nay, deployment, that is, never for want of a better word, foolish. There is an argument that this word has never applied to a single human. Ask yourself for examples of true evil - you might come up with Adolf Hitler. A man who was responsible for the slaughter of millions of innocent people. But if you think about it, he had his reasons. You might not like them, but in his mind he was doing the world a favour. You might say had he been successful in his long-term mission, the world would be a peaceful place today. Because democracy totally works, obviously. Osama Bin Laden? The mastermind (not a misused word in this case) behind numerous devastating attacks on modern Western society, who also is in himself very much justified in his actions. A martyr to more people than most on Earth, he will take a lot of convicting. It will never happen in our society. I bet you don't see the News companies complaining - they're raking it in because of him. So there ARE winners when it comes to terrorism. Interesting. Harold Shipman? Arguably put a lot of people out of their misery with acts of "murder", publicly lamented for years, yet now there is rigorous campaigning to make what this man did legally justifiable. Or indeed, justifiably legal. Was he evil, or just ahead of his time? Jack the Ripper was definitely evil. I'm sure there were millions of devastated citizens who found the loss of his victims too much to bear, and who would dream in glorifying evil in entertainment? Shock horror..................... Oh yeah, but those girls were definitely evil. Evilly unattractive.
So it seems that once again, my working surroundings have inspired yet another bout of mischievous brilliance. It was inevitable really.
Controversy or controversy. This language rules.
So summer's been and gone............................
My friend it's good to see that you're finally standing up and embracing change. It's something we all have to go through, and, tough though it is, I know you can do it. Don't worry - we're all here for you if you need us. It's not easy, especially for someone in your position, to deal with change. It is part of human nature to have a certain dependency on familiarity, and it is perfectly understandable that you would be concerned with the changes that you are faced with. I'm here to tell you, that it's OK. It's alright. You don't have anything to worry about. It's great to hear that you're finally starting to grow pubes.
So the Nature Boys were on fine form once again on Saturday. As expected, the foreseen (hehe, how redundantly brilliant) out-performance of said "headliners" Days of Worth went by rather smoothly. Frankly they sucked balls so it wasn't difficult, but still shiny. I sense the arrival of a new anthem. But I won't go into detail. Wednesday's Zanzi gig should be cool as well, and might I suggest a better accompanying line up to boot. Still, one can't complain. Chips, cheese and beans an' all that stuff...........
I've been waiting, for quite some time now, for the announcement that there is to be a gathering in a flat somewhere. Preferably of someone that I actually know obviously. I realise that it's not every other week that we can be having all these people come round and destroy your home without a second thought, but one hopes that it won't be too long before the next residential social gathering. You may or may not remember the to-do over a certain Snarl's birthday a wee while back. Silly as it sounds, there is still giftage to undertake, and said giftage, as promised, is quite frankly rather astronomically magnificent, not only in quality, but also in size, to a certain degree. It is for this reason that I have been unfortunately unable to deliver such giftage at recent gatherings, as it would be unreasonable to expect to cart this round, for example, the Kray for 5 hours before departing for the leisure of one's abode. So get on with it someone.
I've got two weeks to go on my secondment. Keep it here for an update on the state of play - hopefully I'll find out sooner rather than later as to whether or not I'm here to stay, coz it's beginning to ruffle one's usual casuality. No, not casualty. I don't get it wrong. I reckon I might stand a better chance if I don't waste time sitting round doing nothing but blogging, so, on that note........
Chicken, beef, curry, SUPER!!!
Ah it's like the good old days....................
Some of you may or may not be aware (well actually al of you, if you think about it) that as of late Skippy has been blogging for me, coz the Interent in work lacks the standard requirements. Alas, here I am at home, on the new PC, typing away. It's almost surreal - I'm having flashbacks to 18 months ago, when this what I did all day. Just sit round playin Yahoo! pool an bloggin every once in a while. It's great this. The only problem is having to take a day's leave to do it!! Still, this is what I call chillin out!
Anyway, cool weekend comin up. Gonna go see Batman Begins tonight, then tomorrow, after my eye test (first one in 4 years - oops), it's the Nature gig in the Kray. Expectations are high and the pressure is on. Every week it seems like they're out-performing the headline band they're "supporting" - can they do it again this time round? Then next Wednesday it's off to the Zanzibar to see em again, this time with WeKindred, which I am really lookin forward to. Should be a boss gig, the first of many I personally hope.
It's strange - I somehow am struggling to find my natural ability to wow the audience at this time, I think it''s the unfamiliar surrounding!!! (Lived here 21 years, but hey). So I'm off to wash my filthy self. The three 'sh's are on the way.
Mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Beer guts are despicable.................
So it's all go on the Nature front at the mo. Last Wednesday's show stealing performance has indeed proved fruitful, so much so in fact that the support slot for this Saturday's all-nighter at Le Kray is now theirs. A wondrous gig it shall be - one hopes that a longer than is customary set will be permitted, in which instance a magnificent array of chooans shall be explored like never before.
If you're gonna do something, do it properly. That's what I say. So, why is it that people continue to choose to wear these pathetic, half-assed, "light" colours? The way I see it is, if it doesn't make you look twice, then it wasn't worth your attention first time around. Which is why you often find yourself reading this stuff again, coz you know that everything contained within these pages is pure unrivalled poetic genius. But I digress.
Speaking of digression, do you ever find yourself just sitting, thinking? Nothing is going on around you. Your eyes are open, but you're not really looking at anything. Your mind just wanders. It's a great feeling, better than any drug I've ever had the pleasure of trying. The fascinating thing is, you will eventually find yourself wondering about what you're wondering about. And then wondering why. At which point you realise that you have been sitting still for almost an hour, and you STILL haven't paid the lavatory that visit you had scheduled. Unless this happens to occur while you are partaking in a weight-loss program in the comfort of your water closet. In which case your ring might, by this point, be a bit crusty.
If you knew that, after reading the first line of this blog, you were going to end up reading about human excretion habits, would you have kept reading? Do yourself a favour - get comfortable first. It hurts.
Especially if you're bald. Naturally.
Fly my pretties, fly!!!
Been a while I know, so, considering mine is officially the most magnificent blog there has ever been, I decided to give you all a taste of the magic. Work has been super-busy, but you don't wanna read about all that I know. So, moving on, I'm boss. We both know that's really what you came here to read about, so there's no point denying it. What I will avoid though, is ramming it down your throat because I would much rather simply shine in my own inimitable way, and let you realise for yourself just how boss I truly am.
The latest news from these shores is that Joey has managed to re-dislocate her knee - ouch. However, improvement has been speedier this time around and hopefully this won't be too much of a setback on the road to full recovery. The plan is still to wait for her to get a full-time job and then see what we can do about finding a flat. I've managed to save up a fair wedge (hehe, wedge) in the time passed since Christmas, so hopefully we can hit the ground running, as they say. By the way, who are "they"? And why do we always go along with what "they" say? Surely we are bright enough to find solutions to our problems ourselves, rather than relying on a clichéd phrase that really has no meaning. Anyway, went off track there ........................... Er, yeah. That's the plan.
Nature gig comin up this Wednesday - should be a decent one in the Kray. Slunt are the main attraction, which by the way, I would just like to say is a really good name for a band. Or indeed for anything. Congratulations on that. Next on the scene, Slinge. Think about it ...........................
Hot, innit? So what?
So it's Wimbledon again. My secret second favourite sport. Well third actually, if you count wrestling. Which of course you must coz it's the best thing in the world. But yeah, Wimbledon. All those who yell, "Come on Tim!!" in the next two weeks must be shot. Make no mistake, I would like to see the guy win, but those whiney, whingey, pathetic, puny, annoying cries of "encouragement" (distraction) almost make me want him to lose. Which is why I would much rather see Rusedski win it. Coz he rules. But not as much as me. Which is where we started earlier, if you were paying attention. You don't even know why, but you know it's true. Oh yes, I am the master. Oh yes ...........
Continue the research.
Hmmmm, what to blog, what to blog...................
Clearly I am somewhat unoccupied in work at the moment; hence I have some spare time to lob a blog down. Genuine question: How many times in your life have you seen the words "somewhat", "hence" and "lob" in the same sentence? It's a gift...... So yeah like I said, I'm bored. Some concerns at the moment about this - I've been in this new job six weeks now, and so far so good is all I can say really. The story at present is I'm on a 3-month secondment - but then what? When I applied it wasn't advertised as a secondment, and then I was offered the role in that format, so I accepted, thinking that I'd get told that it'd be made permanent when the time came. Unfortunately, that hasn't been mentioned yet, and hasn't even really surfaced as an issue. I don't even know if I'm being monitored, if it's mine unless I screw up or if I'm under pressure to perform to keep the job. Some serious consequences to this - permanence could mean major life changes, whereas re-demotion could mean the end of my CRB stint, or at least my Capita stint. Very worrying ponderance....... (3-0)
Bank Holiday weekend went by very smoothly. Friday night we went to FACT to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Seriously cool. As I was watching I thought to myself that I could potentially become something of a Star Wars nut, but then the end came and something was missing. The next day we watched Episode IV: A New Hope on Sky Movies and that was decent enough too. But again, the ending was pretty awful and I found myself wallowing in a state of anti-climactic disillusionment. Saturday we also went to ASDA (yay) to purchase foodage and the coolest present EVER for a recent birthday boy. (I realise that right now the prospect of a present from ASDA is not an exciting one, but believe me, this rules). Then Sunday was a day of relaxation, enjoying a quality roast dinner that only my mum can make, as well as an ironing marathon. Excitement personified. Monday we went for picnickage (my words are so cool) and walkage (oh he's on a roll now) and then some bussage (COME ON!!) back to mine for afternoon delight (not that kind) and watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. A boss film, by the way. So yeah, cool weekend.........
This has become a very worthwhile bloggage session now, so while I'm flying I think I'll continue. You thought you were going to escape then, didn't you? Hahahahahaha, not a chance! You'll leave when I say so, and not before. If I'm not finished writing, then you're not finished reading. And I'm not finished writing. So there. I know what you're thinking. "If I leave now, I would win. But I can't bear the thought of not reading the rest. I know. I'll read, and then pretend that I didn't. That'll do it. Oh yeah........." But I won't fall for it. Oh no. There. Now I've finished. You may leave.
Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.
A blast from the past there. I'm sore.
"That which goes unsaid does not go unheard. Moreover, that which goes unheard does not go unsaid." (Nick Young, 2005)
It has been a rather uneventful week this week. Nothing of any great significance has happened, positive or negative. It even brings into question why one would wish to blog at this point, as there is really nothing to report or say. But I'm sure that I'll be able to release some eloquent ponderances (2-0) upon your optical sensors and penetrate your subliminal consciousness typically effortlessly. That said, I perch lackadaisically in a nullified stupor, aghast at the level of unfathomable incompetence by which I am surrounded.
As I am sure you can imagine, the prospect of the subsequent weekend is particularly attractive this week, extended of course by the terrifying thought of a Bank Holiday. What would happen if the banks really did go on holiday? You wouldn't be able to withdraw at a cash point, certainly no online banking would go on (ahem), and there would be no telephonic service with which the masses can assess the mess that is their financial status. Alliteration is a common tool used by the gifted, as illustrated in this day's musings. Trust me. "That which goes un-noticed does not go undetected." (Nick Young, 2005)
Yellow. What's that about? And while we're on the subject, what's with orange? The sun is cool an' all, but why must we attempt to replicate its glory in cloth? There can be no duplicate of greatness, as all those who aspire to be me are already aware. I commend thee for daring to dream, but limitations should always be implemented. Getting back to the point, should these colours not be outlawed? It is a travesty of monumental majesty that people are not only allowed to purchase such atrocities, but that companies are allowed to manufacture and distribute them, that designers are paid to concoct them and that those wise enough to neglect their existence are lambasted as dull "goffs". Sun-coloured conscription. The time is nigh......
Thought for the day: What's dian? And why are there so many millions in it? And how do they get out?!?! The same goes for donesian. Help them!
Come on people..................
