So there goes 2003...................

I have absolutely no idea how to sum up this year for me. It's been the most eventful year of my life that's for sure, but whether or not it's been a good year I don't know. I suppose it makes sense to go from the start really..............

Was in work in January an that was all fine cept they messed me around a lot, but in general it was good to do. Met a lot of new friends in the early part of the year. Some I had already met on a number of occasions but since then they have become very good friends to me. Firstly I'd like to mention Laydee K, who I met properly for the first time towards the end of January and has since become a very special friend to me. I really then met a whole bunch of people through her or at least got to know people better through her.

Most notably Skip who, although I knew her already, has this year become a real friend and gives the best advice, but then she is about 100 years old so it's to be expected. Heeheehee.............. *hides*

Also there's Fungus, who is the drinking partner I have needed for so long!! I mean don't get me wrong it's not like I didn't already have one but it's cool to have someone who can keep up with you!!! Not only in the drinking, but in the madness............!!

That's where Mr. 779/Sex Pest/Mark comes in. Introducing me to the crazy world of, well, running full speed into things, he has become another good close friend. Without him I might not have got through this year so well coz I bounced so much shit off him in work every single day for about a month, and he was always really understanding when I needed that. Thanking you.

Also a mention goes out to Lady of all things H (does that include haemorrhoids and homosexuality?) Another new friend for this year and one with a sympathetic and understanding ear you are much appreciated.

But as the beginning went well, Spring was to be a very difficult time indeed. Perhaps the most difficult I've experienced, it's always hard to feel unwanted and I felt that way for a good two, maybe three months. After that Download came and things took a turn for the better.

After winning myself two tickets from MTV2, and selling one plus my original, I essentially went for free. The Saturday was pretty bitchin', with a lot of bands I like that I'd never seen before, particularly Marilyn Manson and Deftones. But the sunday was to be THE absolute best day of my life!! After watching almost all of my favourite bands rockin out on stage, I mosied on round to the back to hang with the stars. My God I met all kinds!! (Apologies to everyone who knows this story and have heard it 27 times!) Drinkin with the Murderdolls, pissin (literally) and playing pool with Spineshank, wrestling with Disturbed, actually talking with One Minute Silence and hanging with the drummer from Mudvayne, it was a pretty decent day. On top of that I managed to help myself to a free VIP dinner with tremendous service from what can only be described as lurrrrvely ladies, as well as telling Corey Taylor to fuck off to his face. Wow that was fun. Then of course came the whole telling everybody and so Dave, Caiti, Al, Skip, Peter, Charlie and Ros got an earful from me tellin em how I just hung with the coolest people and how I could kinda deal with missin Less Than Jake, Zwan, Apocalyptica and Flint seein how I'd just had the time of my life!! Sorry...........................

So anyway after that came the Summer, which was kinda uneventful actually now I think about it, for me at least. That was until Leeds came along and that was a fun weekend for very different reasons. The bands were honestly pretty shite, except System of a Down and Metallica, plus I never got backstage this time so it wasn't a patch on Download in that respect. I was drunk the whole weekend though, and that resulted in, shall we say, some amusing antics, and some less amusing ones to boot. Yeah think we'll leave that there!

Upon my return from Leeds I was informed of my Grandad contracting prostate cancer, so that high was killed off pretty quick. Septmeber was almost upon us and this is where the second bad period of the year begins. Due to turn 20 on the 18th, finish work on the 19th, I was apprehensive but not worried. I was never seriously bummed about bein 20, but that week turned out to be pretty hard. The week before was tough too with Grandad in hospital but he managed to pull through remarkably well in the end. The next week started badly with a birthday of someone else, then it improved with seein A Perfect Circle on the 17th, the Wednesday, then came the big day. Twas fun and hurtful in a weird way I was hammered, but kinda disappointed too after feelin let down. Anyways that came and went, then finished work on the Friday and so became unemployed, that night I lost my leather (for the first time) and then the next day got "dumped". Not sure you can call it dumped but that's how it felt. So after that week you can imagine the Monday. Sat at home free to reflect on the week just gone without anything else to occupy my mind. It was hell I can tell you.

Alas, the year would then take a turn for the better once more. (You can SO see what's coming here cant you?!?!) October came, and, as the Autumn set in, a new person came into my life. If someone ever tells you that nothing good can come from a night out in Le Bateau, feel free to tell them to fuck the hell off. It's where I met my lurvely Joey and this is the bit that I'm thinkin tips the scales in favour of 'good year', (not tyres, I mean as opposed to 'bad 'year'), coz I've never been so overwhelmed by one person and no-one has ever come into my life and become so special to me in such a short time, or in any length of time for that matter. Thank you!

Think about it. Without Joey, here's my summing up of the year 2003:-
Unemployed, single, poor, depressed, bored, lonely.
With her, it's:-
Unemployed, poor, excited, happy, totally in love (awwwwwwww), and generally chuffed!

So here's to what I think turned out to be a good year, and here we come 2004. It has the potential to either be the hardest or the best year of my life, so I can greet it with nothing but excitement.

Bring it on!!!  ¶ 31.12.03

  Weird day that...............

So today was Kevin's funeral. It was a bizarre affair, a lot less morbid than you might expect. It's understandable what with the circumstances, but even so you do expect some emotion. To be fair there were some tears, particularly from Kev's older sister Laura, and a few of the family friends. But what shocked me was the complete lack of emotion shown by Shirley, his mother. Now she is either hiding it all and putting on a very brave face, or she really is the epitome of human strength.

This woman has raised a boy for sixteen years who has never walked in his life, has never fed himself, never been able to relieve himself without aid and cannot even sleep without constant attention. As well as all this, she works full time and studies for herself. AND she has I think one of the best senses of humour I've ever known. Hats off!!

But yeah I don't like the wake part of funerals. I don't really get it. I mean, I'm all for makin up lame excuses to get drunk, but I just don't see how anyone can go from the despair and anguish of the funeral service, and then go to what really amounts to a party. Up to now I am fortunate enough to have not yet lost anyone dear enough to me to be REALLY upset over, but I don't think I would be able to just transform myself like that so quickly. It's not a matter of strength I dont think, it's more to do with the fact that I just wouldn't want to. I might want to get drunk, that is perfectly reasonable I think, but there's no way I'd want to face all those people at once. It would just be too much. So the wake I didn't enjoy, even though I was supposed to. Ah well, it's not like I was the priority of the day is it?

Still weird though.................  ¶ 30.12.03

  Sometimes 'wow' is the only word..............

So I just got back from seeing 'The Lord of the Rings:The Return of the King' with Joey. It is without exception the most astounding, imaginative, mind-blowing and enthralling film I have ever seen. There are so many things I could say about it, and so many paths I could wander off on, that I'm not even going to bother. Just wow. That really is all there is to say on the matter. Wow.  ¶ 29.12.03

  Did YOU buy the wrong bananas???

So Christmas has been and gone for yet another year. As per it was pretty damn cool. Didnt do a helluvalot other than have a day in with the family really. Didnt even NEARLY get drunk, which is actually the norm, what with the fam not really bein into its alcohol. I busted my ass on Christams Eve night tryin to cram as much into the fridge as possible an its all still there!!!! Ah well it will not go to waste...........................

Got a good few pressies amongst which were a DVD player, some DVDs (kinda handy if you ask me!) some CDs a book or two and a fab teddy wizard off Joey! Its really cool I love it an although I kinda ruined part of the present a bit its still boss! I made the mistake of trying to stand up with MAJOR pins and needles in both feet and just collapsed to the floor, crushing numerous things including glass bottles and a big box. My ass did not thank me for that I can tell you!

So yeah Christmas went fine and was continuing to do so on Boxing Day til we got a phone call from mum's ol' school chum Shirley. Her son Kevin has been severely disabled since birth and was initially only given roughly five years to live. He died on the Monday before Christmas aged sixteen. The news was initially greeted with sadness naturally, but there was a weird sense of relief about everybody I think. I reckon we've all kinda sub-consciously been waiting for it happen And while it's a sad thing to lose someone, especially at such a time, the feeling of relief for both him and his family is understandable. Through no fault of his own he was a massive responsibility and has been rushed to hospital and feared dead on countless occasions, and himself has suffered throughout. Clearly there is the sadness that always comes with death, but at the same time everyone is somewhat relieved that he and his family no longer have to suffer. The funeral is on Tuesday, and the flower arrangement in the car is going to resemble Bart Simpson mooning onlookers through the back window. That says it all really!!

Christmas was kinda weird too coz for the first time it didn't feel complete. It's the first time I've ever been involved with anyone at this time of year and throught a lack of assertiveness on both sides me and Joey didn't get to see each other on Christmas Day, and it was difficult. The day kinda flew by at first coz you do the whole present thing, then you do the getting ready to eat thing, then you do the eating thing, and only then do you actually stop to think whats been happening and what could be happening elsewhere. This is normally the time of the day you'd crack out the pressies and give them a real going over, but somehow it was all kinda empty. For someone to become such a huge part of your life in such a short time can be a shock to the system, once you step back and realise it's happened, and you somehow feel empty on such occasions as Christmas when they're not there. I can tell you this though - Friday was the best Boxing Day EVER!!!

Keep it here for my 2003 review!!!  ¶ 28.12.03

  My God it's Christmas Eve in 40 minutes!!!!

So yeah kinda excited about Christmas now. I love this time of year, at least until January 2nd. That day usually kinda sucks but its not here yet so I'm happy. FINALLY got the parcel from the sorting office this mornin. Phoned (again) but still couldn't get through (again) so nabbed a lift off mumsio an got it. Guy looked at the name, looked at me, and said, "Do you own a farm?" That was the best thing he could come up with for someone named Bob McDoodle. Now doing a job like that you come across a lot of amusing names, and look forward to each and every one. So you'd think that they'd have some better material prepared for such eventualities, but no. That was his best effort.

It's funny actually coz at that point he didn't even know that it wasn't my real name, so he clearly has no problem with causing people offense. For all he knew, that COULD have been my name (well why wouldn't it be?) and I could be extremely sensitive about it after a traumatic childhood of abuse and bullying for that very reason. I wasn't gonna say anythin coz they never even bothered to ask for ID so I was ready to just walk out with it til my mum decided she needed to explain. Don't know why actually, but she did anyway.

Anywayz I've been a right busy bee today, doin all sorts round the house to get it all ready for Thursday. Some last minute decoratin, wrappin pressies, more decoratin, some general tidyin (coz y;know you gotta have a tidy house for Crimbo!! It's even more excitin when you're doin stuff to frantically prepare coz you know it's nearly here then. I can just sense Rudolf and the gang warming up up there in Lapland now. You'd think that they'd all have red noses wouldn't you??

So yeah that's it from me. I won't be back here til after Christmas now so wishin you all a good one!!! Toodles!! :o)  ¶ 23.12.03

  *Witty intro type thing*

So Saturday was, er, interesting. I cant help but look back at it and flinching coz of some of the things I was thinking for parts of the night. Its not something I'm gonna talk about here coz who knows who's reading?

I'm pissed too coz I cant get through to the sorting office to have my parcel re-delivered, so I'm gonna have to go down there and explain the whole Bob McDoodle thing. Gonna look a right dick I imagine.........................

Anyway, things to do. Tara  ¶ 22.12.03

  So it's the big day....................

I seriously hope tonight isn't one of those nights where you think it's gonna be REALLY cool, so much so that you build it up too much in your head and it's impossible for it to be even nearly as good. Somehow I don't think it will though. I'll be too drunk to care!!!! Despite the ridiculous skintness (yep it's a word folks) or yours truly right now I will be out and I'm not gonna miss out on anything over Christmas and New Year either. I'll just be in the red for a bit and that's the way it's gonna be.

Couldn't believe it yesterday came home from Town with Joey after a hard afternoon's shopping, pleased as punch with myself after having finally completed my Christmas shopping, only to find the one thing that I was yet to have was my dad's pressie, ordered off the net. It arrived yesterday while I was out and it's too big for the letter box, so they left the card and I have to go pick it up. Only problem is, I'm Bob Mcdoodle on the Internet on EVERYTHING so anythin I order comes in that name, and you need ID when you collect stuff. Clearly I do not have any form of identification declaring my name as Bob McDoodle, y'know, what with it not being my name an all. Which means I have to phone on Monday to get it re-delivered and pretend my name IS Bob McDoodle, and listen to the guy on the phone try NOT to laugh his tits off at me. Hmmmmm..............

Anyway I'm off to dye my hair so toodles!!  ¶ 20.12.03

  Damn standards!!

So you may or may not have noticed a new link on my page, entitled "Nutty Chat". It will take you to a new message board created by my chum originalnutter, or, for those of you who post on the secondnature board will know as miss nutter. A lovely lass I'm sure you'll agree. Anyway, you are all officially invited to register and post at your own "free" will. I say it like that because personally I choose to not post on this particular board, coz it has "rules". Registered as bitchwax, it displays my name as "pregnant dogwax", which, as amusing as that is I'm sure you'll agree, I refuse to go by. Therefore, as an act of protest, I shall not partake in any postage on said message board. Feel free to yourself though by all means!!! *Points to link*

Went to see My ruin last night with Joey they were pretty good. They're her favourite band in the whole world and the vocalist (it wouldn't be fair to call her a singer, as she would well admit), according to Joey, is the most attractive PERSON on the planet. Don't see it myself, and when asked the question, "Me or Tairrie?", she replied, "Me or flumps?" There's a hidden answer in there somewhere. Anyway, back to the point. Personally they're not a band I'm particularly into, very feministic lyrics, despite what some might say. However they were a superb live act and regardless of whether I like them or not I'm big enough to admit that. Tight as fuck, I think is the expression. Saw Lady H there as well as Snarlie an just wanna say a cheers to H for what you said, reckon you know what I mean there. So yeah it's much appreciated!! :o)

Off into Town tomorrow for what's gonna hopefully be the last bout of Christmas shopping I do. I've been to Town four or five times in the last few weeks tryin to find everything I've wanted but there's always somethin missing! Only gotta get two things so hopin I'll find them tomorrow, coz am I bollocks goin to Town at the weekend, nor do I wanna leave anythin til the last week. Should be damn cold, then in the afternoon I gotta go to the dentist which I hate. I ain't scared or anythin, it's just so feckin boring!!!!

Eurgh.............!  ¶ 18.12.03

  Ah the weekend that wasn't....................

Didn't do a thing. Seriously. Over the whole weekend (ie. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday) I consumed one alcoholic drink. One, sorry, solitary, single (actually more like a quadruple) alcoholic drink. Didn't go anywhere. Except for spendin Friday and Sunday night in Joey's. I mean, there are three nights that are well worth going out on, and I missed them all. Thursday in the Kray. I wasn't there. Friday in Le Bateau. "Eesh!!!" I hear you cry. I wasn't there. Saturday in the Kray. I wasn't there. And all much to the chagrin of, well, ME!! It's the first time I've done that I think perhaps this year. Excepting the Download and Leeds weekends (where I was suitably tipsy anyway), I have not missed a whole weekend of nights out in good ol' L'pool. It's quite humbling actually. To be sober the whole weekend. I got up earlier than normal. I feel more lively I guess. You could say I feel better than I would. I'm certainly better off financially than I would have been. Yet, despite all this, I can't help but feel somehow unfulfilled.

All this of course builds me up nicely for this coming Saturday. For any of you who intend to attend (how's that for poetic mastery?), I warn you now. I am going to be hammered. I seriously intend to be pretty much drunk from Bush Blondes (Belgium's answer to football hooliganism) before I even walk past Christian's welcoming Krazy House glow, at which point I shall proceed to the bar to partake in a round of Strawpedo and Aftershock. Then it'll all be washed down by a good few Red Stripes. The Jamaican Beer. What a night it shall be.

The big question is, what type of drunk will I be? Will I be violent drunk? This IS what Bush Blonde did to me last time. Will I be emotional drunk? This ALSO occurred the last time I consumed Belgium's finest. Will I be forgetful drunk? Again, happened with the Bush. Or maybe I will be pass-out drunk? Only ever happened before with a combination of, shall we say, "other" forms of intoxication. I could be falling-about-making-no-sense drunk. That only ever happened once, and that was before I knew I HAD to be able to take alcohol, never mind could. I might be (and this is the one I think we should all hope for) super-happy-loadsa-fun-in-love-with-everyone-I-know drunk. What is the answer to this question? Who knows? Only time will tell. For those of you who choose not to/are unable to attend, keep it here (or buy the Echo) for news of my, erm, adventure.

Otherwise, see you there!! Maybe "see" isn't the right word......................  ¶ 16.12.03

  GUTTED!!

Once again I'm stuck in the house on a Saturday night. God damn this money thing. Wouldn't the world be a better place for everyone if EVERYTHING was free? Actually no can you imagine the scale of warfare that would cause?! Here here to money and value. If it wasn't for you this world may not even exist. But why oh why must you tease us so?! It's so mean. To be honest I probably wouldnt be out anyway tonight coz no-one else is. Or at least that's what I thought til I get a text off Mr 779 sayin "are you comin out after??" Damn you!! Why didnt you ask me sooner?! Sheesh Joey's out too with her mates but I kinda feel like I'd be intrudin or somethin. Ah well I s'pose it's good for me to have some nights in.......................

On a happier note I will be out tomorrow night what with the Boys playin an all. At the Masque it is, which is a decent venue compared to some. Lookin forward to it as always should be a goodun. Like Skip said in a recent post, last week was a REALLY good gig. And when you go to as many as me an her do, you KNOW when it's a good gig, and last week was. Don't get me wrong, they don't often get much wrong, but there was just somethin about the Masque gig last Sunday that made you feel it that little bit more. It's somethin I think has been missin for a while now actually. No disrespect to the boys, but somethin's been lackin maybe since the Trapt gig at the Kray, at least at the local gigs. Whether it's a motivation thing or it's somethin else I dunno, but somethin has just seemed a little off with some of the recent Liverpool performances. Nothin major, but there was a definite improvement last week. Hopin to see more of the same this time round!!!

Be there!!  ¶ 13.12.03

  Some thank yous goin out here

Need to thank some peeps for some helpin out theyve done for me an I know its been a while comin but I reckon now's a good time to do it. Those who I mention will more than likely know what I'm sayin it for so just a big cheers to Skip, Kayte, Helen and Auto. Youve helped me help myself, and in a lot of ways thats so much better than just doin it for me y'know? I'm in a place Ive never been before and I like it there, and despite how frequently I'm in the same old places I was before, I now have a new place I can escape to that eclipses them so emphatically that theyre completely forgotten. Its because of you that I have that and I just wanted to say cheers. I might have confused you now but it doesnt really matter! So cheers!! :o)  ¶ 11.12.03

  Damn your blog and all its goddam pop-ups!! Whatsupwitdat?!?! And fella I so would have downloaded that but for the fact I'm strictly banned coz Ive been labelled with the blame for all the viruses on the PC from doing that very thing. Sheesh................................ Which also means I cant deliver on that promise I made you so again sorry!!

STILL havent heard from any of the job applications maybe the postman doesnt like me or somethin, coz Ive got two things on order from the net that should have been here by now too an they still havent arrived either. Hmmmmmm its not like Ive ever met him. I'm not usually up in time!!

So its Joeys birthday today shes a nice 19 now which I think is a cool age, coz youre still a teenage youth, but youre just so much better than all the others! Its like bein in Year 6. You just feel so big an cool!! Plus youre still not 20 and that little '2' is just a sign of age. Its a horrible thought that I'm pretty much over now but it still hurts a tad when I get asked how old I am. So anyway big happy birthday to Joey!!!! Not that she reads this, or in fact even knows of its existence.........................................

Felt really freaked earlier I filled up the bowl of dishes with hot soapy water to do em later then when I went back it had gone. So I figure I'm just goin nuts so I refill it an then I go back again and its all gone again! Seriously shittin by this point, til I discover a hole in the bottom of the bowl. Which now means I cant do the dishes. Gutted....................?

I'm bored now I was gonna go have a shower before, but gotta have the shave BEFORE the shower, but the shaver needed recharging. So while I wait for that to happen I blog! Actually it might be done now it feckin well should be its been on for ages! So yeah bye!!  ¶ 8.12.03

  Well its been a while....................

No updates for nearly two weeks. So whats the news on good ol' me? Nothin actually. Y'know, if you take the word 'news' for its literal meaning, ie. plural of the word 'new'. Nothin. Still not heard from ANY of the job applications. Pain in the ass I'm sick of it now I wasnt bothered before but now I wanna work again coz I'm sick of not bein able to afford to go out. Ironically enough here I am typin this on a Friday night when I should be out drunk. Ah well all shall be corrected tomorrow I guess. Goin to Caitis for her b'day do so should be plenny of free ale, plus along with a good old minesweepin plan for later in the Kray, I should save a few pennies hehe!!

The reason I havent updated in so long is coz of this damn computer. It was SERIOUSLY fucked man! Dad took it to some shop in Old Swan an they took it off him an said they'd have a look. Got a phone call sayin that on one hard drive, there were 500 viruses. On the other (we got two), there were three thousand, nine hundred and ninety seven viruses. Thats a total of almost four and a half THOUSAND viruses. Now if you ask me thats pretty damn impressive. Cleared up now the hard drive was completely wiped so we lost EVERYTHING, but its seems to be workin fine again now. It is a bit slow though. Hmmmmm......................

S'pose I should update the Joey situation after just readin my last post. Believe it or not, we're still good. Try as I might, (not deliberately you understand), I havent managed to fuck it up yet. Gonna be two months for us tomorrow, so theres a big scary. Well it is if youre me, not if youre normal. But hey - wheres the fun in normal? But yeah its cool. Shes off gettin drunk with her mates tonight I think which I'm not happy about. Dont get me wrong its not coz I dont want her to go out its just coz I'm jealous! Its her birthday on Monday too shes gonna be 19. Can you believe that there is literally just five days between Joey's and Caiti's actual birthdays? Is that not just SO weird?!?! I mean, look at them! Talk to them. How are they not years apart?!?! Personally I find it quite amusing.....................

Last Tuesday saw me seein Marilyn Manson rockin out the MEN it was really cool. Gutted bout the seats I SO wanted to go kick some ass in that pit but what can you do? Security was pretty tight so there was no chance of gettin in. They were cool though.

Had a scary-ass night out LAST Friday with ma boys. Damn straight we were in the Swan til round half 10, then suddenly I was alone in Kensington an it was 3am. Reckon God must have just moved the clocks forward for a laugh. I mean who wouldnt? Y'know, just to freak people out. Come on you know you would if you could....................... Moving on, I finally managed to get home an have a huge fight with my mum, at which point I made the wise choice of leaving the house again. Almost 4am by this point an I'm still wasted, seriously pissed off and stormin down Green Lane actually WANTING to run into a gang of scally twats for the first time ever. As luck would have it I didnt. By the end of the night I was in Joeys safe and sound and snug as a bug in a rug.

Next day we were off to see Muse an they totally ruled man!! I would so LOVE that band if his voice wasnt SO fuckin annoying. I mean the guy really can sing better than most Ive ever heard, but its just TOO whiney. Emotional, I can handle. But I cant listen to an album of his voice. It was worth it for the live element, but sadly THAT is why they wont ever be on a favourite bands list of mine. Best live bands list yeah, but not favourite...................

So yeah thassall from me for now hopefully I'll be online regularly again now with havin the PC back so there'll be more updates. Its OK dont all jump up in excitement at once....................  ¶ 5.12.03