Hey what's up Fletcher?

Dictionary reading. It's quite a bizarre concept. On one hand, there is the thinking that anyone who spends time merely flicking through the pages of a dictionary for no specific purpose other than vocabulary enhancement is somewhat lacking in active sociality, a bore, in common terms. However, there is the consideration that it will enhance your intelligence level, provided you have the adaptability skills to incorporate new words into every day conversation. Then there is the next level - the ability to incorporate those words into conversation without sounding like a dictionary reader. It requires precise conviction, supreme confidence and, of course, the compulsory social obligations within which you can insert your discoveries. Given that you have had the time to become a dictionary reader (it is a long book), you might not necessarily have a heaving schedule of social appointments. It's a pastime that I, as an active relationship participator, am currently not in the process of undertaking, but, given that I am very much of the "never say never" school of thinking (which by the way is a ridiculously over-used generalisation, but that is for another day), it is certainly not an activity to which I am principally opposed. There's potential in it, most definitely.

Speaking of potential, what do you reckon it would take for someone to be arrested for the content of his or her blog? Would it in fact be possible at all, given that we live in a nation of freedom? I mean, if I were to say something like, "Wouldn't it be funny if someone bombed the White House?" would I be prosecuted? Or applauded? Tempted though I am to stretch the boundaries (as always) of appeasement, resist I must, seeing as the network administrators probably do pretty regular scanning of profile content in this place. I might find myself in the unenviable position of de-employment. Yes, I did make that up. No, I don't care. I'm allowed to. Y'see; ah forget it.............

Anyway, our Word of the Blog this time around has to be foible. A double entendre on this occasion, it is defined by dictionary.com as "foible" - 1: a behavioural attribute that is distinctive and peculiar to an individual type 2: the weaker part of a sword's blade from the forte to the tip." Derisive of the French word "feble", meaning feeble, it is another word that is not only exquisite in its definition, but is almost effervescent in its sound and pronunciation. For some inexplicable reason, my mind is awash with thoughts of Professor Frink every time I think of this expression, and that is never a bad thing. Another superb edition of Word of the Blog, we'll see you next time.

Your cholesterol, fatty!!  ¶ 17.8.05

  Spare me this mockery of justice!!!

There was an unfortunate omission from my latest postage, which, given the tone and content of my last post, I'm sure can and will be forgiven. That, as I'm sure you will have noticed, was my fastly-growing favourite feature (doesn't it just make you want to wet your pants?), Word of the Blog. Apologies to the fans, I shall now partake in a glorious act of redemption. The presure is on....

Today's featured word is onomatopoeia. The bane of numerous English Language examinations, and surely the most magnificent, yet somewhat heinous, amalgamation of vowels that just rolls off the tongue, somewhat onomatopoeically, if you will. Defined by the Oxford Illustrated Dictionary as: "Onomatopoeia" - Formation of names or words from sounds resembling those associated with the object or action to be named, or seemingly naturally suggestive of its qualities". I could have put it better myself...................

It is becoming shockingly difficult to obtain a passport at the moment, given that my standard birth certificate that I have will not suffice in proving my identity satisfactorily. I therefore have to apply for a new birth certificate first, which will take at least 24 hours, at which point I will then have to send my passport application, with less than 7 weeks remaining until we depart for the Czech Republic. Cutting it fine, you might say. Of course, you might not. Hey what happened to the O?

Work's been a bit quiet this past week - mainly because the Parrot is away. He's back on Wednesday though, which by the way is by far the coolest named day of the week. Much like February is the coolest named month, and the hippopotamus is the coolest named animal. River Elephant. Yes, I cuaght a moment or two of Poirot yesterday. Who also happens to be the coolest named detective. But only when pronounced poy-rot. Or just pirate if you're a drunken Australian.

Guilty, or innocent? Innocent...........  ¶ 15.8.05

  This is Planet Earth.

The Iambic pentameter – it might not sound like something you would be interested in, but without it our modern world would not function. If somebody posed to you the following survey, what would your answer be? Considering the 5 most common modern methods of communication, rank, from 1-5, 1 being the highest, and 5 being the lowest, each method of communication in terms of potential for causing confusion. They are (excluding specialist methods, such as sign, Braille etc.): telephony, email, text, face-to-face conversation and writing (e.g. letters [snail mail]). I feel sure you would some up with something like: -

1 – Text
2 – Email
3 – Letter
4 – Telephony
5 – FTF

But would you ask yourself why? And, if so, what would be your answer? I hope and pray you don’t come up with something like, “Oh, but, it’s coz you can’t ask questions! Er, people might not know what you mean.” Please shut up and go away. Orators of the highest order should be aware of what I like to call the IP Effect, or the Ippie Effect, if you will. Its correct and successful deployment is an asset to any speech, and the lack of it is a predominant reason why all amateur speakers are just that - amateur.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The debate could go on for hours. Fortunately, yours truly is here to serve up a nice tall glass of shut up juice to everyone. Correct, it is not entirely true to the book. Correct, it is nothing like the first film. Arguably, it is not as good as the first film, but this is purely a matter of opinion, (biased and flawed opinion at that). The answer? So fucking what? Who gives a flying one if it isn’t exactly true to the book. It really begs the question: what exactly would have been the point of making a film with a story that has already been told? Who gives a rat’s shitty ass if the Oompa Loompas aren’t as cute? They’re not supposed to be, assclown!! “Oh but Nick, you can’t beat Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka. He’s the original!” Actually, moron, Roald Dahl’s image of Willy Wonka is nothing like Gene Wilder, nor does it have to be. Because, for your information, the original film isn’t exactly a word for word replica of the book either. I ask you this – why do bands cover old songs? If you’re not sure, ask someone close to you. You all know someone who has done a cover. Not one of them will say, “Because that song rules and we wanted to jump on the bandwagon and make loads of money out of a song that’s already been done.” I am officially making it my mission in life to re-write a well-loved story, completely fuck that shit up and kick all your candy asses!! You don’t deserve to be called a mofo………

Controversy, or controversy? Wow, it’s educational AND fun!!  ¶ 11.8.05

  You cannot emulate the Nicktro!!!!

Irreverance is a gift that not many people have. It is rarer than intelligence, which in itself is a valuable commodity. Lack of the latter is something to be pitied, not mocked. However those who lack the latter, lack the former by default. Unfortunately, due to the lack of said latter virtue, consciousness of one's self is somewhat lacking, and so possession of the former is sometimes misconceived as present. Those who think they understand the musings of a twisted mind are one of two things - twisted, or insecure. Or, of course, both. The world's most gifted minds have not yet managed to master the art of cloning; do not lower yourself in attempting to do what they cannot.

Today's Word of the Blog is 'yonks'. Yonks - as defined by The Oxford Illustrated Dictionary as non-existent. However, it is a commonly used slang term, meaning a particularly long period of time. There are two theories regarding its origin, the first of which is that it derives as an abbreviation of the term, "donkey's years". As we are all aware, over the years, the English language has taken a number of batterings, a large proportion of which has amounted to non-sensical abbreviations, which as a word in itself has become commonly abbreviated. Sad, isn't it? The second theory, and in my humble opinion, the much more romantic and, therefore, convincing, is that the term originates from an amalgamation of the three words, Years, mONths and weeKS. Hence, yonks. I've said it before and I'll say it again - do what you will with this language, its brilliance is only exceeded by its mytery. You cannot defeat it!! Today's Word of the Blog.

I realise that you're probably pining for more, so I'll give it to you. The month that I was waiting to conclude for so long finally has, and with it a new dawn. No I haven't met some dudette (doesn't it just make you want to cry?) named Dawn, I am in fact inspired by the fact that the month of July has passed. Traditionally it has been one of my favourite months, however this year came expense, pressure, and with it, a new sense of maturity. Yawn I hear you cry. (Notice how I didn't take the opportunity to to rhyme yawn with Dawn there? Too obvious you see. Yes, I know you would have). But, satisfying though it is to know that I am capable of handling some of the things life is yet to hurl my way, I am still somewhat begrudging of the fact that I have been unwillingly forced to grow. You might say that it is ironic that I feel this way, given that, had I taken on this growth through to its conclusion, I wouldn't resent it at all. But it wouldn't be Bob if life wasn't ironic.

Just a quick point before I depart - I have just completed the process of setting myself up a new email account on hotmail - nicolaybollukov@hotmail.co.uk is where you can reach me. Go nuts.

Do you ever feel a sense of anti-climax when you read the workings the The Bolluk? Didn't think so.  ¶ 1.8.05